I am a mother blessed

Beyond My Wildest Dreams

There was a time when my husband and I imagined adding a preschooler to our family. Our hopes were for a child 4 or 5 years of age, who we figured would learn English much more easily than a 10 or 11 year old would. We also thought social and cultural adjustments would be easier for a younger child coming into a new country at a younger age. But most of all, in my heart, I just knew bonding would occur easier, you know, more naturally, with a preschooler! After all, I wanted to be mother to a little boy or little girl who would be affectionate and loving. I couldn’t imagine how this would be possible with an adolescent .

Funny how things turn out. When we opened our hearts to being parents, we were led to our daughter Emily. She’s been in the states for 3 years now. Emily is a 7th grader who studies hard to earn a B average. She enjoys reading, ballet, going to church and singing in the school choir. As her mother, I have to say Em is more than I dared to hope for in terms of what to expect from an adolescent daughter! Atypical of her peer group, she is very giving of herself and eager to please her parents.

I am a mother blessed beyond my wildest dreams. How many moms can come home after a long day of work to find your daughter has done her homework and cooked dinner!!!!??? Without even being asking to!!?? Emily makes the best Sloppy Joes in the world. Despite the fact she can make dinner, my daughter is still very much a little girl in her heart, and in mine. She’s very much in need of loving, very accepting of cuddles and kisses. She is full of affection and innocence.

Not to say it’s always bright and cheery. That’s reality. I think of the first months after Emily’s arrival into our family as our “labor” pains. Intense. Painful. Draining. But, like they say about labor pains, the memory of the pain fades once they’re over. As a family, we took a deep breath and jumped in. We got through it. The initial adjustment wasn’t easy. I lost 15 pounds in 2 months! (Luckily for me and my husband, it’s stayed off. I had been trying to lose that weight for years!) See what can happen when you give birth to a Big Kid!

We have struggles. I don’t know that they’re much different from the struggles of my peers who have kids in middle school. Some days I feel exhausted and drained. Emily can test limits, push buttons , have attitude problems, or a bad day. She can be extremely stubborn. As unpleasant as our occasional battles may be, no matter how long it might take, our conflicts eventually end in a hug and a kiss. I find a comforting cushion of support provided by some parents of other older adopted children. These people are a wonderful resource of grounded wisdom. Mother energy! Children who have spent years living in orphanages carry the memory of it in who they are; how they perceive and relate to everyday experiences. There are years of love and nurturing missed, being soaked up like a sponge.

Emily continually makes my heart swell. It’s the simple but priceless treasures which keep adding up. I’ll never forget the thrill of the first time she gingerly put her petite hand into mine. Or that incredible night when I tucked her into bed, and she whispered in my ear, “I feel loved.” As a first time mother, I was awed by the joy I felt, hearing our Big Kid hum a tune as she got ready to eat breakfast before school one day last week. These moments make me realize it doesn’t get any better than this. - Pattie T.